Not good morning. I’m depressed because one thing crossed my mind suddenly.

When I was in elementary school, one girl asked me to borrow my T-shirt. She’s a fellow student in a different class, and seemed to forget to bring hers. I knew her and liked her, but not in a close friendship with no reasons. She is a kind, nice, and lovely girl. I know everyone loves her.

I lend her my T-shirt with some certain worries. What I worried was my T-shirt was a cheap and shabby one.

Later, I heard one girl said to her “Why are you wearing a such T-shirt?” She just said “I borrowed this from A(me)”. And both had a certain small laugh. I don’t thignk they knew I was there and watching them.

She returned my T-shirt few days later, saying thank you with her beautiful smile.

She did nothing wrong, but I was hurt.

I don’t remember I told this to my mom, maybe not because my mom was busy and I knew I couldn’t afford a fine quality T-shirt.

I’m sure I didn’t say it to my dad. Because my parents always denied my feelings, especially my dad did. What I feel is always wrong. I feel in such ways because I’m weak. I need a strong mind.

maybe that’s true. But I felt sad, isolated and ignored. The sadness is still in my mind. I’ve been feeling there’s nowhere to belong. Still now.

Bail on me 私はドタキャンされた

deteriorate 悪化

terrestrial broadcasting　地上波